You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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