my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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