we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
