we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
