During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
