my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
