You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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