Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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