you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize