got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
