Porn is love you can see.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
