I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
