Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
