Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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