I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
