He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
