hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
