hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
