i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Randomize