Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
