Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
