Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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