and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
