I will die if light touches me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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