Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize