Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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