I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
