I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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