If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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