Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize