am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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