I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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