You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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