If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
