Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
