That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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