I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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