Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
