Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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