Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
not ubering you a puppy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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