I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize