in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
