my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
