And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
