Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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