this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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