Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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