I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
