mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
