a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
