I forgot how hot balto sounded
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
