I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
