I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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