don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
