she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize