6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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