After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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