So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize