The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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