Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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