no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize