I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
