I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
