I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize