i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
