I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
