I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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