I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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