Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I look better un-naked...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
