Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
