Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize