He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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