I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize