I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
