I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
