yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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